I like being alone sometimes.
Contentment. Security. Safety.
There is no risk of being judged. Being alone does not mean I am lonely. Rather, for me, it is an escape from the constant stress of worrying about what other people think of me. It is a taste of freedom.
Just like the feeling of sleeping in and waking up with nowhere to be. Or seeing a movie while pretending it was your life. Or eating a bowl of ice cream while losing yourself in a daydream. Being alone brings me that same comfort of protection and refuge. Having time to myself lets me avoid, just for a moment, all the issues in the world that real people are facing. I escape from the reality of pain, disappoint, and betrayal. When it is just me and four walls, I can’t make a mistake or feel ashamed. I am stuck in my comfort zone and that is alright with me.
I wish I did not think everyone analyzes each word I speak. I anticipate the criticism with every date I say yes to, for each ambition I dream about, and every opinion I utter.
I wish I could assume people would accept me and love me for exactly who I am. I know we are all sinful. I judge others subconsciously, too.
I wish I could live in complete freedom without having to protect myself in my four walls.
But until that day comes – which won’t happen until Jesus steps back onto earth or we step into His paradise – I will enjoy my time alone.